Day 5 and I’m noticing changes

I made the decision to quit cold turkey on Monday night and it has made a difference for me. Day one was easy, I got everything out of my system the day before and it felt easy. The last time felt like it would be.

Day three was hell because it was all i could think about, but I went to the gym and worked it out there. It helped.

Day 5, I noticed something I havent done since I was in 10th grade. I’m blushing again. I saw someone stunning and I smiled and blushed. I didn’t know it was something that stopped and that it was something that would return. But i’m thrilled about it and I just wanted to share.

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I am reckless.

Just this morning I opened twitter just looking through casually when suddenly had the urge to search lewd art. I thought no more of it and continued browsing. I then found my self on the twitter search engine searching for hentai. After that I felt very guilty. I feel that so much of searching for this has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. My hatred alone is not enough to combat our common enemy. I really don't understand, one moment I am liking it and the next I feel like 5* grade rubbish ready to be thrown out by my parents. My parents have yet to find out. I wish they would but I am afraid they will lose all hope on me and my mother will go into depression. I need help feeding my fire of hatred and need help to stop fucking search of lewd art. Honestly social media is a dangerous place. I recommend you don't watch anime as it is a step towards degrading yourself to fiction characters. I need help. And lots of it. I don't know how long I will stay in this nightmare of a purgatory. My reckless behavior probably made choose idiotic decisions based on my filthy desires.

One of my favorite quotes is "people can be swayed by their desires…or we can overcome them."

I feel so shameful of saying that as I did not honor it. Pls don't do what I did. You could search porn and die on the spot watching it. And God will question what your last act on earth was. I am a fucking retard that deserves his body burnt in the flames of hell and his eyes poked out for what I did. If I see anyone here in hell and not in heaven I will fucking kill you.

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App to block porn for free

I have been trying to get rid of my porn addiction for about a month. I searched up porn blockers on the App Store(iPhone gang) and downloaded blockerX. It allows you to turn on a button to block all the major and minor porn sites. Also has a feature where it tells a predetermined friend if you have turned off the restriction. The community is great and the app also has some sites to help with your addiction.

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