Day 85 [Reflection]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately has been Mark Manson's idea of pursuing better problems instead of happiness.

We are always going to have problems and they will be a better or worse variation of the ones we always have. I used to struggle with tuition, and now I get paid the same amount as my tuition. I used to loathe having to live with my folks and now I am renting a house.

But I am not happy. Sometimes I worry I never will be.

As easy it is to blame porn for everything, I don't think it deserves that much credit.

My struggle, perhaps the struggle of many others, is a struggle for worthiness. To equate not having the life I want to a lack of worthiness, and feeling ashamed as a byproduct.

I don't have much of an impulse to look at porn anymore. When I feel like 'treating' myself, I dismiss the thought or look at my older posts in pornfree.

It's like I've cured the symptom and now it's time to take on the problem.

I don't need to LIKE myself, I want to like being myself.

This approach has led to a consisent workout schedule, I've gotten better at meeting girls and talking to them, I've stepped out of my comfort zone and I am grateful no matter how unworthy I feel–life works by cause and effect.

Infact, the poem invictus has been resonating with me a lot lately.

"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul."

My proudest accomplishment these last 85 days have been putting together a short guide based on my experience and readings the last couple of months for those who struggle with shame and unworthiness as I do.

To everyone out there trying to live a little better, I wish you the best of luck.

From here

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