I have been sweating for three days straight without porn. This always happens when I'm away from porn. No peeking. I get hot flashes and my stomach feels weird and I'm super tired all day long. It sucks like trash.
I remember the first time I got a long streak. I said "college is starting soon, I don't want to get caught masturbating and watching porn on school wifi". Made it two weeks. August 28th to September 12th. Everyday I was ridiculously hot. Woke up sweating in the middle of the night, had to do my sheets over and over again. Felt like I was going to vomit daily. It was just this weird and freaky sensation. Felt like I was there but wasn't really there.
Anyway, that's how I feel right now. My biggest regret in that first semester was watching porn. I got caught jerking off over 10 times by my roommate. Dude caught me looking at instagram posts and pure porn. Woke up and caught me jerking off to my phone under the covers. That semester too, I lost my only friend.
I was hanging out with this asian girl that I knew during high school. I didn't have any feelings for her. I didn't even like her sexually. I just thought she was cool to hang out with. But, I let my porn shit and other people get the best of me. Every time I was hanging out with her, a bunch of guys would nod or wink at me. When we sat together drinking coffee, guys would walk past me and nudge me. I started feeling like maybe I should make a move. Then, I remember one day, we were hanging out in her dorm while her roommate was asleep. This was the time all the "Her roommate/husband/boyfriend/friend isn't aware that we're fucking eachother loudly right next to them".
Basically, I went to my dorm that night and after watching a ton of porn I was like "How hot would that have been if we did something sexual while her roommate was asleep right next to us". Cue me acting like a complete pervert, kept trying to make things sexual, kept making comments about how she looked etc. Basically, ruined a completely platonic relationship.
We don't talk anymore and I think about that a lot. I haven't made friends in university. Or I have, but the friends I made were from my 300 level spanish classes that I tested into. They were already seniors, so I got one semester with them and then they left college. If I was still friends with her, that'd be pretty neat. We both didn't have cars on campus and we'd always sit together talking about taking the weekend to see what the area was like around the campus without having to walk in the heat. I'd be able to do that now with my car.
I'm sweaty and alone at the same time. The worst combination.