I watching porn when I don’t even like it

Relapsed for the Nth time in the past 3 days.

Can't seem to stop. So bored sitting at home. My hand gets dragged to the browser's private/incognito mode.

And I don't even like it

I was feeling relatively okay a few hours ago and I decided to reward myself with porn. And now I hate myself. "Ew! Why did you have to do that!"

What's happening? How can I stop? I know porn is bad for me but I still can't seem to stop

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Has anyone overcome porn addiction by accepting the kinks that can also match with our values, thus naturally stopping being obsessed by things that hurt us?

I think we have 2 main approaches to deal with porn addiction, which can also be combined:

  • Accept our desires, if they don't break our values;
  • Focus on not giving up for any fetishes, controlling ourselves better.

I say that because I've accepted my bisexuality and that I like BDSM stuff. Now I think that I can do no wrong with my sexuality, provided that I don't hurt anyone in the process, and that I can still commit to my values.

Example, I liked cuck porn, but it's the thing that I LEAST want in my life, EVER. I want trust and commitment from a woman. After accepting the kinks that wouldn't hurt me or other people, I have no desire to watch cuck stuff. But guess what happens when I start to watch Ben Shapiro (a guy that is very conservative and orthodox) again? Yeah, I feel guilty as fuck, think that there's something tremendously wrong with me and that I'll fuck my life and never find someone I can trust, thus triggering the kink.

Politics aside, we are not 0 or 1, left or right, right or wrong, we have more nuances to all of this, and just trying to neglect all of our desires seems to not be ideal. My strategy now is to accept more of me, so I can naturally stop being obsessed by virtual nonsense.

[Edit] If you search my NSFW history of this account, you'll notice I want to overcome this addiction for years and years, but jus recently, after doing therapy, I'm starting to take this approach of accepting more stuff.

What are your experiences in this matter?

TL;DR: Title.

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Hot flashes

I have been sweating for three days straight without porn. This always happens when I'm away from porn. No peeking. I get hot flashes and my stomach feels weird and I'm super tired all day long. It sucks like trash.

I remember the first time I got a long streak. I said "college is starting soon, I don't want to get caught masturbating and watching porn on school wifi". Made it two weeks. August 28th to September 12th. Everyday I was ridiculously hot. Woke up sweating in the middle of the night, had to do my sheets over and over again. Felt like I was going to vomit daily. It was just this weird and freaky sensation. Felt like I was there but wasn't really there.

Anyway, that's how I feel right now. My biggest regret in that first semester was watching porn. I got caught jerking off over 10 times by my roommate. Dude caught me looking at instagram posts and pure porn. Woke up and caught me jerking off to my phone under the covers. That semester too, I lost my only friend.

I was hanging out with this asian girl that I knew during high school. I didn't have any feelings for her. I didn't even like her sexually. I just thought she was cool to hang out with. But, I let my porn shit and other people get the best of me. Every time I was hanging out with her, a bunch of guys would nod or wink at me. When we sat together drinking coffee, guys would walk past me and nudge me. I started feeling like maybe I should make a move. Then, I remember one day, we were hanging out in her dorm while her roommate was asleep. This was the time all the "Her roommate/husband/boyfriend/friend isn't aware that we're fucking eachother loudly right next to them".

Basically, I went to my dorm that night and after watching a ton of porn I was like "How hot would that have been if we did something sexual while her roommate was asleep right next to us". Cue me acting like a complete pervert, kept trying to make things sexual, kept making comments about how she looked etc. Basically, ruined a completely platonic relationship.

We don't talk anymore and I think about that a lot. I haven't made friends in university. Or I have, but the friends I made were from my 300 level spanish classes that I tested into. They were already seniors, so I got one semester with them and then they left college. If I was still friends with her, that'd be pretty neat. We both didn't have cars on campus and we'd always sit together talking about taking the weekend to see what the area was like around the campus without having to walk in the heat. I'd be able to do that now with my car.

I'm sweaty and alone at the same time. The worst combination.

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STAY AWAY FROM ANY KIND OF PORNOGRAPHY

Recently a actor from the industry got arrested for Human trafficking. For all you know you watch a video, and that girl in the video was trafficked and forced to make that video that you just watch. Let that sink in your mind for a little bit. Or wait you don’t feel anything maybe? That’s because you’ve already got your mind too deep in with this addiction that tore up your brain. Guys for real stay away from the hub before it’s to late!!! Save your brain body and minds!!! Don’t let these guys control your brain. Don’t fall into the deep dark whole. Stop Porn!!!

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Day 6

Hello friends! I’ve made it to day 6. So far the urges are still very much there. I’ve decided to play a video game instead into the urge subsides. It actually helps. Hopefully there will be fewer urges in the future but right now it’s pretty bad. I’m 6 days Poe free though. I’m proud of that.

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Weird habit, but is it healthy?

I have developed this weird habit of watching porn for literally 30 seconds and then deciding that porn is trash for my brain and then I turn it off. Sometimes this happens 1-3 times within an hour and about 2-3 times a week.

I have ADHD and I think it is hilariously stereotypical that I would initiate something only to quit it 30 seconds later. I feel proud of myself for catching myself so reliably so quickly, but I'm really struggling with the initial part. Aside from Reddit I have no other social media accounts to tempt me. I'm not asking for advice because I know I will figure it out and I know that I'll NEVER watch porn for more than 30 seconds a few times a week, LOL.

I wonder though, does anyone else have a similar habit? Its almost like lighting a cigarette and taking the first puff, only to throw it away after its lit. I know it's not common but does anyone else do the same?

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Relapsed again

Well back at it again boys! Today I binged for an hour or so, feels like I've undo the progress I've made in the last month! Having bit of trouble in the motivation department and Idk why I relapsed today, I've had urges worse than the ones I had today! But you do not lose to this addiction until you quit and I haven't quit! One day I'll look back and smile knowing that I've successfully beaten this addiction and I've become the man I've always wanted to be!

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